On my mind

Although I do not want this blog to be a place for me to vent, I really feel like writing tonight, and here's what's on my mind: Ever since beginning my internship in September, I have found solace in knowing that eventually I would "get in the groove", "hit my stride" and life would no longer feel so hectic. In past years, this has always happened rather quickly. This afternoon, I had the sobering realization that I am feeling like an amateur juggler with about 100 balls in the air. And that it's November. Where's my stride? About 5 minutes later, my chiropractor (read: genius) remarked that I was unusually tight and tense and that I appeared to be "carrying a lot of tension" in my shoulders. I began to face the fact that my stride is still a long way off and may be on hiatus for this academic year. As much as I've been resisting it, life may just be this way for a while. Little's birthday party is less than 2 weeks away, I am trying so hard to excel at work, hand in thoughtfully written papers at school, keep our household afloat and manage to meet all my thesis deadlines. And most importantly, to be a good mother to little.
As the chiropractor re-adjusted my spine, I began to readjust my outlook. I began to remember that one has to savor the little moments, while doing their best during the others. Despite all my stress, I chose to pursue this degree, and I'm actually quite passionate and excited about it. I love being a mother, even when I am chasing a little naked baby who doesn't want to get in the bath. I am also well aware that life can throw challenges at you that far exceed my own in terms of worry, exhaustion, pain and hardship. I came home tonight exhausted, stressed and feeling a little defeated by my to-do list. But I also came home grateful. I sat on the floor and cooked a make-believe dinner out of fabric food with Little as my real dinner sat raw in a frying pan on the stove. It was the highlight of my day.